January 2017 • WRAP-UP

What I read ...

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo - This book was quite important to me as it is the first novel I read following a trans character. I think the majority of the book failed to adequately portray the issue it promised to handle. Most of it could be read as just an ordinary high-school finding-yourself romance with one character having a huge secret. I have read many coming out fanfictions which basically had an identical outline. But I really appreciated Amanda's flashbacks and her experiences in her old life. I didn't love Grant and her but I guess they were alright. My favourite character by far was Bee - SPOILER ALERT - (... until the author made her a total bitch and let's be honest that character development made no sense and was just unnecessary. Also, would it have been so bad to have a friendship between two females where the bisexual one doesn't fall in love with the other? I had appreciated their friendship so much and kind of felt betrayed by how that turned out.) Nevertheless, it was still a cute story and more importantly, will hopefully path the way for future (Own Voices?) trans novels. (2 / 5)

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo - Review on Goodreads. (3.5 / 5)

Weak Messages Create Bad Situations: A Manifesto by David Shirgley - This is the weirdest and funniest thing I have ever read. You're done with it in less than half an hour but I still come back to it all the time and each time I do I find myself laughing so hard again. I wish I could make the whole world read this. (4.5 / 5)

A Visit by Steven Millhauser and The Toughest Indian in the World by Sherman Alexie - My best discovery of the month is definitely the New Yorker's Fiction Podcast. I walk to university on most days and it takes me about forty to fifty minutes - which is precisely how one episode of the New Yorker's podcast tends to take. I loved, loved, loved A Visit so much! It was so unexpected and weird and deep and touching and you should read it, no really, do it right now. I was disappointed by The Toughest Indian in the World, for me it was simply a story about an Indian having sex with another Indian for precisely two reasons a) he was quite obviously gay and so much built up sexual frustration does get too much at a point I guess and b) he wanted to feel closer to his roots and escape the »Evil White World«. Honestly, it was pretty boring, especially compared to A Visit. (4 / 5 for A Visit and 0.5 /5 for  The Toughest Indian in the World)

What I watched ...

Dear John - Of course I was aware that one cannot expect brilliant masterpieces from a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel. But the ones I had watched before were still pretty decent - The Notebook and Safe Haven. This one was boring, the romance lacked chemistry and excitement, the female protagonist had a world view that had nothing in common with mine and also she had like no flaws and was portrayed as a saint. Honestly, save yourself the two hours. If you want a nice romance, go with The Notebook, Safe Haven or perhaps Letters to Juliet. (0.5 / 5)

The Pianist - Literally had to pause the movie every ten minutes. Such a heavy one, it really drags you down. I had watched it when I was around the age of eight but couldn't remember much and frankly, wasn't aware of the movie's real implications at that time. But still an excellent and important movie. Can't remember crying this much over a movie. (4 / 5)

Brokeback Mountain - Ages ago I had watched the first half of Brokeback Mountain and found it rather boring. But recently I decided to finally finish the movie and this one just has one of those bitter sweet endings that tear you apart slowly without you even realizing. I wouldn't say it's brilliant and there are better LGBT movies, though of course one should acknowledge that it significantly shaped the path for the movies to follow. (3.5 / 5)

SING - Watch this at the theatres and it was so much fun! The animation was flawless, the characters great and pure and though the storyline was very basic and predictable, I had a great time. (Also, there is this dramatic scene with Mike and I just live for that scene.) (3.5 / 5)

Silver Linings - Perhaps it's a bit embarrassing that I had not seen this until now? I had been wanting to read it ever since it had come out really, but somehow never had come around doing so. It was a hilarious movie with strong, quirky characters, the ones you usually don't see on the movie screen which I greatly appreciated. It definitely isn't a movie that'll blow your mind, if you ask me, but still worth the time. (3 / 5)

What I listened to ...

Seafret (I love them, they're perfect. Especially their songs Oceans, Breathe, Wildfire and Atlantis). Also I have this weird obsession with I Found Love by Amber Run.

STARS | wordbound #3

Prompt: What is your favourite word? Write a scene around that word.

Sophia had been building a rocket in her backyard for more than three months now. And tonight would be the night where she finally finished her masterpiece - she had checked and double-checked if all the safety measures were in place and if she had taken enough of her favourite chocolate with her. Just looking at her work made her giggle like a maniac so she lay down on the grass to calm down again. Above her head the stars shone in all their beauty. Sophia reached her hands out into the night, longing for the stars but never getting there. »Tonight,« a voice inside of her whispered. »Tonight, tonight.«

Before getting inside her rocket, Sophia stood up and had one last look around. The old treehouse her father had built when she had been a child, the never-ending fields in the back, their neighbour's car in which she had puked when she had been nine years old. Sophia had always thought this would be harder, but it was the easiest thing she had ever done. She had thought she would miss everything so badly, it would make her stay. But she didn't. There was nothing left for her down here.

Just as she was climbing up the ladder to get inside, someone called her. »Sophia,« they called, breathless, probably running. »Sophia, Sophia.« And again: »Sophia, wait!«

She did not need to look to see who it was but she did look nevertheless. She wanted to see his face one last time. »What are you doing here, Sebastian?«

»Sophia, don't go,« he finally came to a halt, a few steps from her rocket. It seemed like he didn't want to step closer, as if he was scared by it. »Don't do that, I'm begging you.« And then he was really going down on his knees, hands together, begging her to stay.

»You should go now. You know I don't belong here.«

»We belong to each other, you said it yourself, you always said it, remember?«

»That's true, I did. But I know now that I don't belong to you. I belong to the stars.«

Sebastian opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but it was left there hanging because he realised there was nothing to be said anymore.

Sophia got inside of her rocket. She did not look back.

If you want to know more about wordbound, you can check out this video, the website, instagram or twitter! I will try to keep up with this ^-^ 

Hope Is Playing This Cruel Game With Me | Black Out Poetry #1

What is Black Out Poetry? ::: Novel I used for these ... The Book of Tomorrow by Cecelia Ahern.

#1 Can't Deny

They say this story wasn't happening. I struggle to believe those people - their minds are in dead ends.

#2 The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Leaving everyone, I haven't told whatever could be said. Sometimes people close their minds, they say: »I tried furiously to bring him back.« Endless stories.

#3 self-destruction

I liked getting lost to be perfectly honest. I loved him all by myself. I wasn't sure if I said it - I meant it.

#4 Human Tragedy

People live waiting and waiting and I know now we took an awful lot of tomorrow.

#5 What Happens

Any way, the ones that I like go eventually as if nothing had ever happened. I hope we'll find the way to yesterday again.

#6 Before

I used to think I'd rather be dead than spend the day with you.

#7 Carry On

On the other side of the world, somebody's leaving everything and carrying on.

#8 Wonder

One hundred beside me and I'd love nothing more than her eyes. I don't know if this makes sense. She's the kind of wonder I've ever seen.

#9 Rapunzel

I told you I lived in the castle. I have started building a wall because I learned I'd ever seen or heard became even more crazy when I go away. So bad to leave.

#10 August Twenty-Eight

Stay here ... - I was the one who loved you. Actually it was the kindest thing anybody said to the girl who was invisible to the world.

#11 Change of Plan

My life is not going as I planned - I should be with the person I end up with. Or so I thought.

#12 An Apology

But really, there was no point. But it wasn't right what I did, regardless. It really hurt me too - I couldn't escape my head. We both left looking straight ahead. I longed for a relationship.

#13 Love is blind, so you couldn't see me.

A look of thunder on her face - Well, I was so busy thinking about how much I didn't want to be there, about how I could find my way home. And then I'd looked at her, that smile at her lips.

The Princess Built a Castle for the Prince

Diren M | | comment
I built a castle for you, my dear - I spent my years on it, day after day after day. I listened to songs written by some lonely souls far across the ocean and thought of you. I wrote you a poem, and another poem, and another poem, and then tried prose but I learned quickly that all the words in the world weren't enough. I drew your face on a serviette, on the back of my hand, on a piece of paper, on the pages of my favorite book, on walls and on the whole world. I spent a thought on you and became addicted. I let your name roll over my tongue, again and again and again.

This is my castle for you. I built it all by myself and I will go down with this castle - let the earth beneath choke it all.

I built you a castle, my dear - but does it even matter if I never had the courage to show it to you?


When the Girl Asked Her Mother What Fear Is

Diren M | / | comment
Fear is asking yourself What if nothing will ever be as good?

Blank Mind

Diren M | | comment
There's a fly in my head and it just won't shut up. It keeps flying and buzzing and drawing its circles.

Fuck you, stupid fly. And fuck him, really - for being the only reason why I'm still wide awake in the first place.

I Did Something

Diren M | | comment
I let ordinary life part me from someone special and I pay the price every morning after having dreamed he's still here, he's still with me only to realize that he is not.

I let him be taken away by The-Way-Things-Just-Go and now things just go the way I never wanted them to.